...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
