so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
