Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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