yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
