I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
