Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
