Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
