Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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