no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
3pm strippers are depressing
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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