So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
