i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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