it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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