Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
