Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
