and you said cock pushups were impossible
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
