youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize