My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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