did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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