i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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