it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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