remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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