i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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