Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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