Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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