I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
