I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was a blind-side dick pic.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Someone signed my nipple.
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