You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i would punch a child for taco bell
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
