The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
