my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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