How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
