my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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