she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
