my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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