This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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