peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Still dying that you shit outside
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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