You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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