I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
