you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
