Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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