we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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