so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
