You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize