i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
