Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
