someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
