I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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