I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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