I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
