His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
