if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
