Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
