all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
