I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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