I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
