she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
