It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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