I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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