kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
