Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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