we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
