okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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